rattling off

TIME FOR A RANT, MOTHERFUCKERS.

IF YOU'RE NOT COOL WITH THAT, CHOKE ON IT.

I am sick and fucking tired of being a hard working musician, putting in EVERYTHING for my town and promoters and then playing to FUCKING NO ONE. 

Aside from that, when we do play to a crowd, motherfuckers just STAND there. Are you on some fucked up downer that turns you into Der Golem, bitch? Because if so, take your pasty little ass home and listen to some Beach House because I don't need you at my fucking show anyways. I'll take playing to no one over playing to some flaccid, droopy eyed raccoon looking motherfucker in a cardigan. 

I swear to God that some of these kids have no idea what real music is. Rock n' Roll was not created so we can just stand around and look at it. When a real jiving rock n' roll band plays, you should be damn near fucking each other on the floor. Dance, stomp, shake those fucking Fair Trade Toms, you anemic pecker.

Call me a narcissistic, but I feel that my band is a real rock n' roll band. We play our asses off and live by the Bo Diddley beat. We don't clean it up and it's all about the rhythm. We want people to have a good time, that's why we do it. It brings joy to us, of course; I play with my wife, who is my best friend and I am so crazy in love with her while we're playing. I'd be a liar to say that we don't do it for ourselves, but I'd also be a fucking liar to say that we don't do it to bring joy to others. I get such a feeling out of hearing the simple, primitive tribalism of a rattling low E string and a floor tom that I just NEED to bring it to other people. 

I rolled on the fucking floor and blew out my knee tonight for 5 (maybe) people. All of which either worked at the venue or were in a fellow band. Why did I do that? Because I couldn't help it. As bummed out as I was to see no one (essentially) in the venue and to hear that "you're on", the sound of the music we were playing forced me to move and gyrate and act like a goddamn demon because IT'S SUPPOSED TO. If it didn't I'd go to a doctor or something because my psyche would be fucked.

Yes this is a bit whiny (probably more than a bit, but fuck you) but shit, give me a break. I've been doing this shit since I was 14 (I'm 23 now) and sometimes I just ask myself "why?". Why do I keep doing this shit? What's the point?

The only real conclusion I can come to is this:

That's my boy. Honest to God pride and joy. Sometimes my only friend in the world, and my point is this: 

I'm not raising a quitter.

 I'm not going to bring a kid into this world thinking that you give up on what you love because other people don't like it. I don't mean to say that I'm aiming to succeed at being a millionaire musician or playing stadiums (I'd probably hate it even if it happened,) but rather I mean that writing, recording, and performing music is my craft. Some people are carpenters, some people are welders, and some people bang on guitars and make $10 a night. 

And then some people get a check from their parents every month and spend it at Urban Outfitters, but that's exactly what I want to raise my son not to be and if I ultimately let those SAME EXACT kids beat me down, how am I accomplishing that? 

We're a band and family of fighters and won't quit. 

Also, how fucking cool will it be at career day?

STOP BULLYING ///

First off, let me say that no, this is not what you come to this blog for.

This is not what you're looking for on the blog and for that I apologize, but I just felt the need to speak up.

This recent rash of bullying related suicide is driving me insane. We've seen at least 3 kids in the past 2 months, ranging from 13 to 18 take their own lives due to different forms of bullying. These particular cases have been due to homophobic bullying, which blows my mind since it's 2010.

Growing up, I was always the fat kid and the other kids were ruthless. Not only that, but as I got older I discovered that I was into art and music and apparently in a small town that makes you a "fag". Wearing clothes that don't have a label on them makes you "poor". Being different than everyone else makes you "weird". I didn't see anything wrong with that, though.

What's weird about drawing or reading comic books? Isn't that what kids do?

What's weird about playing guitar and listening to punk music? Why does that make me a "fag"?

To give you some perspective of the town I grew up in and still live in, it's a small logging town called Lake Butler in North Central Florida. High school football is the sport of gods and everybody drives to the cemetery to have sex after school. The population is under 2,000 people.

My problem was, that I didn't fit into the generalization of what a kid should be in such a small, country town. I didn't play football, I didn't like to go hunting, and church was not my number one concern.

There were even rumors bouncing around for some reason that I was an Atheist. I'm not an Atheist, but even if I was, who cares? Why does it matter? That would be my personal preference, not yours.

I didn't drive a truck in high school, instead I wanted a small SUV so I could haul my band's equipment to shows. If you don't drive a truck, though, you must not be a man.

I know I'm ranting at this point, but what I'm getting at is that these small things add up. These constant insults over every trait of my personality or my life accumulated into a ball of tension inside of me. I hated myself most of the time because it felt like everyone hated me.

I was bullied into almost killing myself more than once all through school and if it hadn't been for parents who cared and having music in my life, I wouldn't have made it out alive.

Ultimately, the goal of this post is that hopefully you will start to think twice about comments you make to people. I'm not talking about defending yourself, because you have to do that. What I'm talking about is senselessly critiquing or teasing or berating your peers. It's unnecessary and makes people feel horrible. Why would you want to do that?

Also, if you see someone being bullied or if you know a kid in your life who is going through a hard time at school or in their life, reach out.

You don't have to be a genius or a saint to make a difference and you could save someone's life.

I DON'T GET IT ///

What the fuck is wrong with famous people?

Why is pop music so obsessed with DAFT PUNK?

When will we see this on the red carpet again?

POLITICS /// ANGLE FROM EVERY ANGLE

Hot

Hotter

Hottest

IcyHot

Marco Rubio (FL) might be the sexiest 2010 senatorial candidate, but Sharron Angle (NV) certainly is a close second (GILF!!!!). Unfortunately, those on the professional left are digging deep into her past in order to tarnish her image. I ask, "haven't the coffee stains tarnished it enough?" Apparently not. A rumor has surfaced this week about her opposition to black jerseys 20 years ago. Reportedly, Angle and cohorts opposed a local high school football team's switch to black jerseys referring to the color black as 'thoroughly evil'. Angle claimed "no recollection of the controversy or any position she may have taken." I have a sick feeling that her denial of these rumors might adversely effect her electability despite her miles of smiles and strict adherence to constitutional principles.

Take a stand, Angle!
Have some stones!
Admit your opposition to black.
We all know that black is an evil color worn by priests, businessmen, and Metallica.
I yield that you may have gone a little overboard by calling the color black 'thoroughly evil'.

In the future, for your guide to "all things evil", I suggest this:

Evil



Eviller


Evillest


Thoroughly Evil


_GP

RESPECT ///

So...I made THIS comment on a blog a few weeks ago.

Was it childish? Yes.

Was it immature? YES.

Was it passive aggressive? Yes. YES. YESSSSS.

But that was the point. See, that blog is the home of DC band Tennis System (check them out if you like solid shoegaze). I left that comment due to some sheisty behavior on their part.

About 2 months ago my former band (Savages) booked a show with the Tennis System in DC. Due to some financial issues, one of the members could not afford to go on tour and hence play that show. Instead of being complete sell outs and canceling the show on the Tennis System and the venue, my new band (Plastic Plastic) requested that we take the place of Savages on this show. Now, I realize on the surface it seems like a dick thing to do--to switch bands on another band. Here is why it is not so in this case:

1.) Both bands have the exact same fan base in DC. My DC friends.

2.) Savages and Plastic Plastic play similar enough musical styles.

3.) It's essentially the same people! Half of Savages is Plastic Plastic.

4.) I was the person that set up the show for Savages. I personally asked Tennis System to play because I really enjoyed their music and I wanted to see them play live.

Upon requesting the switch, I received this message from Matty of Tennis System:
"Greg, I too have some bad news. My drummer and bass player have quit and we are not going to be able to play this show anymore. I apologize for the inconvenience."

This seemed like a fair enough claim, but further research revealed it's dubious nature. My only evidence was that on their MySpace show list they had deleted our date while all of their other dates remained. At any rate, even if they really couldn't play--for whatever reason--they were extremely unhelpful with finding another band to fill the slot. Not only was there an interband agreement to play, but we also had an agreement with the venue, the Velvet Lounge. Because of this, I left that comment on their blog.

The "douche bag" comment spawned a bit of a heated dialogue between parties. In that dialogue, Matty from the Tennis System said something pseudo-poignant:

"You can't control what happens in your own life, so don't even begin trying to control others."

He is right. I can't control many things that happen in my life. None of us can. That's the nature of the human experience. And while we have no ability to control life, we do all have the ability to influence it. My childish comment on the blog was intended as neither a device of influence or control, but merely a way of venting frustration. Frustration with bands that act childish and operate on a "Do What's Best for Me" philosophy. By being completely unhelpful and apparent liars, they whittled away at the cosmic magnanimity that should exist between bands.

When it comes down to it this band thing, this touring thing, should be about making new friends, having fun, and exchanging good vibes. I was looking forward to hanging out with the Tennis System guys. I wanted to see them live. It seemed like it would have been an awesomely loud, wall of sound blasting your face off experience. I wanted that.

Here is my attempt to influence anybody with a band:

1.) Be honest. Don't lie to other bands.

2.) Don't act like a child and then expect not to be treated as one.

3.) If you have to dip out of a show, do everything in your power to be helpful. Find a replacement band.

4.) Always help a touring band!

I will let the Tennis System guys know that I posted this so they may comment or refute any inaccurate statements. Unfortunately, we're states away so we are all forced to hide behind a computer.

_GP

RANT /// Neutered Zones

I tried to give it a chance, I really did. I don't even have an issue with the writers, they seem to be cool dudes, but COME THE FUCK ON.

9/10 posts on that goddamn website involves some droopy eyed hipster douchebag drooling over a MacBook making "hot beats" or "blissed out jams". 

FUCK THAT. 

Can you have sex to any of that shit? 

Let me rephrase that; can you have GOOD sex to any of it? Unless your idea of sex is staring at each other in some metro ass vegan coffee shop, commenting on how "moist" your new romper looks, I'm gonna say NO. 

NEUTERED ZONES.

MUDDY WATERS INVENTED ELECTRICITY.

PEACE OUT.

-WT

kristen stewart /// don't change

Last night Kristen Stewart appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman. And of course the blogosphere was quick to call it out for being another "awkward" appearance.

Here it is:



Here's another one that Gawker called a "disaster" and "trainwreck":



I just don't get it. In every interview that I've seen, Kristen Stewart seems like a decent, real person. Somebody that would actually be fun to hang out with. Not a Hollywood phony like a lot of the empty vessels that wander onto a late night couch with rehearsed dialogue. Admittedly, she is a little bit awkward in these interviews, but it is endearing. Plus, you'd feel a bit awkward too. You know, if you had to sit on couch and be asked a bunch of inane questions by a perverted old man in front of an audience of troglodytes.

Keep it real, Kristen Stewart.
Don't change.

_GP

vapid and hollow charade ///

Yay, Senate confirmation hearings! Let's hope discussion of Kagan's pubes remains pillow talk. But seriously, Kagan's first day before the Senate Judiciary Committee was beyond simply vapid or hollow. It was downright laden with ignorance. Senate Republicans let their true regressive colors shine brightly yesterday as they took turns bashing Thurgood Marshall for being a judicial activist. Usually "judicial activism", when employed by the right, is used as a pejorative to disparage any progressively minded judge. But this time around, one can't help but think the phrase was conjured not only to attack Marshall--and those associated with him--but was also a broader denigration of the Supreme Court's role in the African-American Civil Rights Movement.

It is frightening to think that some of our elected officials would be completely OK with this


or this


or this


or this


We don't have a post-racial America.
We don't have a post-racist America.


_GP

iPhone 4 /// world sick

With the global release of the iPhone 4, throngs of pseudonerds came billowing out of their parents' basements and exposed their skin to natural sunlight for the first time since the release of the iPad.

Note the paleness of the faces and the dearth of females in the line. Women aren't dumb enough to be so prodigal with their time; their biological clocks are ticking. (AP photo by Kiichiro Soto)

The fact that the homo sapien--which is suppose to mean "wise man"--would stand in line to pay for an overpriced phone blows my mind. Quite frankly it galls me. I think these people would stand in a guillotine line if the evil marketing masterminds at Apple Inc. could:

1) ensure that the guillotine has sexy product architecture

and

2) somehow spin being headless as vogue and a superior personal attribute. Those "headed PC people" are soooo passé.

Mac: Hello, I'm a Mac.

PC: And I'm a PC.

Mac: So how's all that "having a head attached to your shoulders" working out for you? You know--with the limited head motion, neck cricks--do I really need to present a laundry list of the dubious attributes associated with having your head attached at the shoulders?

PC: They are just minor inconveniences. Thank you.

Mac: Well, if you call being a giant stuffed shirt a minor inconvenience, then I guess you're right.

PC: Hey, I may be a bit conventional, but that's no reason to make personal attacks.

Mac: Well, if you call being an office stiff a bit conventional, then I guess you're right.

PC: Speaking of "call"--what about all those dropped calls iPhone 4 users are already complaining about? I suppose you expect users to be unconventional in the way they hold the phone too?

end scene.

This one is for you, Duncan McRoberts: chop heads.

_GP

beach music poser pussies ///

I was bored and sitting around watching videos on YouTube and came across a couple of FADER interviews. 

One was BEST COAST and the other WAVVES. 

Both Bethany Cosentino and Nathan Williams confess that they don't actually enjoy going to the beach and are afraid of the ocean.

WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING "BEACH MUSIC" THEN?

-WT

myspace eats nards ///

I rely a lot on MySpace to find new music for this here blog and while it's usually a shitty, clunky site, I deal with it because it's one of the only places I know of where you can randomly stumble upon cool bands. 

This has become even harder to do, though, since MySpace changed their flash music player to some weird ass new format which FUCKING CRASHES MY BROWSER EVERY TIME I USE IT.

People have said to me "HAY WAYLON, DOWNLOAD CHROMES, BOO" and my response is "GOOGLE HATES OSX TIGER USERS SO I CAN'T, BITCH" and I'm stuck using Firefox, which is functional, but MySpace doesn't give a fuck.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is, send me some MP3's if you can or a Bandcamp page as opposed to a MySpace page because I'm gonna blow that fucking website up.

Love.

-WT

Pitchfork /// Amen!

THIS IS THE CUTTING EDGE

k
xo

pitchfork /// fuck you

Dear Pitchfork,

It was cool of you to cite us for the news of PRINCE RAMA signing to PAW TRACKS. We mostly hate your website because of, you know, how you guys perpetuate tons of shitty hipster slop music, but you get good traffic and we got good traffic for that day. 

It was not, however, cool that you deleted us from said post and are now 100% NOT citing us or giving us any credit for that news. That's unprofessional and just plain DICK of you.

Some shit like that down here in FLA would get you an ass beating and black listed, but you live in internet land where you're this big giant because you're OMG CUTTING EDGE AND SHIT, but guess what? YOU AREN'T CUTTING EDGE ANYMORE. 

No one really gives a fuck about the new Arcade Fire album or Timmy's basement dickface drone band. The tides are turning, Dickfork and the public is starting to want real music.

All in all, when it comes down to it, I'd say our blog is more credible, anyway. 

No payola or American Apparel sponsorships here.

Fuck you guys.

P.S. Let us also say that we're proud of our eternal buds in PRINCE RAMA for getting out there and living the dream. We love you guys and hope you take over the world!

-JUNGLE ROT

eat less /// the shirt

This shirt inspires me to eat a Double Down.

_GP

hello cleveland ///

Dear Bands,

I know you want to create an air of mystery and atmosphere when you play live... but would it kill you to tell us who you are. I like you, but i just don't know who you are and won't be able to find your shit on face-face or myspizz.

...and while we are at it, not talking to the audience (who paid money and are willing to stand for 30 something minutes while you sound check) doesn't make you cool, it makes you aloof. I believe in the power of connecting with your fans. humans like humans, not robots who play instruments. so i say tell a joke, a short story, or just say hi. perhaps i am only scratching the surface of some "are we artists or entertainers" debate, but we can save that for another day.

...and by the way, i am still not advocating the whole "let me introduce the band members" thing where you tell us each person's name and they play a short noodling solo. that shit is gay.

-JW

m.i.a. /// just another pop princess

M.I.A. - "I'm a Singer (Haters)"

You all may have heard about M.I.A. taking a shitfit on a NY Times journalist via Twitter. M.I.A.'s implied claim--in my words, not hers--is that the journalist apparently skewed the article/interview to paint M.I.A. as an image charlatan. Basically saying that she makes her living as a bourgeois hip hop hipster disguised as a proletariat.

I am sure that the journalist had her own personal slant going into the story and exaggerated a little bit. But my gut feeling tells me that this might be a case of the truth hurting a tad too much. I think M.I.A's newly released song (see above), which disses the journalist and the hater community at large, lends some validity to my claim. It contains the type of prosaic muck that one blathers when one's quack act is exposed (see Sarah Palin). At any rate, the song in conjunction with M.I.A's Twitter shitfit definitively places her into the pop princess (I'm using that as a pejorative) category.

The NY Times story can be found here.

_GP

diamond rings ///

Fuck this dude. 

Seriously, this shit head is what is wrong with music right now. 

"HEY BUUUDDDDYYY, U LYKE MY FLORIDA MARLINS DENIM JACKET FROM 1986?"

"DUDE WHERE DID U GET THAT? OMG, ARE THOSE ADIDAS WINDBREAKERS!?"

"U KNOW IT, LOL! ALSO, SCORED BIG AT THE GOODWILL TODAY, GOT THIS MOIST CASIO WITH SWEET CANNED BEATS! GONNA MAKE A RECORD WITH IT TOMORROW AND DRESS UP LIKE I'M 500 DEGREES MORE GAY THAT BOY GEORGE!"

"U R TOTES GONNA TAKE THE WORLD BY STORM"

I hate this kid.

If you see a keyboard, I suggest you smash the fucking shit out of it before too many of these guys pop up.

-WT

silly bands ///

Apparently this is the new cool thing among kids. 

Here's a little blurb from their website:

"Kids everywhere are going wild over Silly Bandz!! These colorful Animal Rubber Bands (Silly Bandz) are made of silicone and die molded in many different fun shapes. These rubber bands return to their original shape when you take them off the item they're holding (or off of your wrist). Pick from Zoo Animals, Pets, Fun Shapes, Sea Creatures, Dinosaurs, and our newest Holiday Pack! Comes in a pack of 24 assorted colors and shapes, Collect them, Wear them, or Trade them with friends. Great stocking stuffers for kids!"

Is this really what shit has come to? Paying money for rubber bands that are shaped like fucking 
TURTLES!? 

When I was a kid I played with GI Joe. That at least makes sense, right? Be an adventuring badass with a scar on his face or...be a rubber band animal?

I know one thing for sure, my son will not be playing with fucking rubber bands unless he is using them to launch something across the classroom at the douchebag kid playing with SILLY BANDZ. 

-WT 

fucked /// gulf coast oil spill

So basically, we're all just fucking dead is what this thing means.

There's barrels and barrels of oil leaking into the ocean every day. 

There is no foreseeable way of stopping the leak. 

BP is already trying to cover their asses with a court order.

We're doomed.

I mean really; if you're one of those rare assholes who enjoys breathing well TOUGH SHIT for you because, if you didn't know (and really, I won't be surprised if you don't and it's not your fault, our school systems suck a giant oily dick) the ocean purifies our air.

WOAH, RIGHT!? Mind blowing, I know! That's like some Quantum Leap type shit, man. 

Where's my bong?

Oh right, I don't need one because EVERYTHING IS ALREADY FUCKED UP ENOUGH IN AN UNALTERED STATE.

-WT

P.S. I'm gonna eat you first.

christina pirello /// health food betch

I recently came across a month old article by Christina Pirello on the Huffington Post. It's titled "KFC's Double Down, Their Latest Double Cross". Title is a wee bit hyperbolic, isn't it now? In the article, she goes on a wrathful denunciation of the KFC Double Down. In addition, she basically suggests that one bite of this sandwich will kill you: "'Don't feed your hunger; crush it' goes the tag line for this new atrocity from KFC. Your hunger won't be the only thing crushed. Your health will be positively trampled."

Eating one of these "sandwiches" certainly will not "trample" your health. But one thing is certain--reading articles like Pirello's will trample your intellect. This rant is by no means a defense of the fast food industry. I believe that some of the bigger forces in the fast food industry are contributing to the homogenization of the global landscape.

Here in the States, empty spaces have been swiftly filled with images of the Colonel's face, Golden Arches, that stupid mermaid thing used by Starbucks, and other impersonal symbols. Furthermore, some of these same forces care about public health as much as they care about local food establishments. This I am aware of. With that said, it is undeniably asinine to suggest that an active adult should not indulge is some vices every once in a while. Especially something as benign as food. I'm not going to impose burden upon my health or the healthcare system by getting drunk one night and driving (edit: having a friend drive me) to KFC for a Double Down--or more preferrably a calorie bomb from a local dive--to squelch my late night munchies.

Moral of the story: there's always an authoratarian douche bag out there using hyperbole and scare tactics to tell you how to live your life.

Resist.

_GP