Saturday, June 26, 2010

iPhone 4 /// world sick

With the global release of the iPhone 4, throngs of pseudonerds came billowing out of their parents' basements and exposed their skin to natural sunlight for the first time since the release of the iPad.

Note the paleness of the faces and the dearth of females in the line. Women aren't dumb enough to be so prodigal with their time; their biological clocks are ticking. (AP photo by Kiichiro Soto)

The fact that the homo sapien--which is suppose to mean "wise man"--would stand in line to pay for an overpriced phone blows my mind. Quite frankly it galls me. I think these people would stand in a guillotine line if the evil marketing masterminds at Apple Inc. could:

1) ensure that the guillotine has sexy product architecture


2) somehow spin being headless as vogue and a superior personal attribute. Those "headed PC people" are soooo passé.

Mac: Hello, I'm a Mac.

PC: And I'm a PC.

Mac: So how's all that "having a head attached to your shoulders" working out for you? You know--with the limited head motion, neck cricks--do I really need to present a laundry list of the dubious attributes associated with having your head attached at the shoulders?

PC: They are just minor inconveniences. Thank you.

Mac: Well, if you call being a giant stuffed shirt a minor inconvenience, then I guess you're right.

PC: Hey, I may be a bit conventional, but that's no reason to make personal attacks.

Mac: Well, if you call being an office stiff a bit conventional, then I guess you're right.

PC: Speaking of "call"--what about all those dropped calls iPhone 4 users are already complaining about? I suppose you expect users to be unconventional in the way they hold the phone too?

end scene.

This one is for you, Duncan McRoberts: chop heads.


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